Saturday, January 28, 2012

Scandal in Velez Rubio


Hola, Sue:

This is  about events concerning your friend Miguel.  I never understood what you saw in him.  He may have been a suave Latin lover fifty odd years ago,  tho´ I  think his ex-wife might disagree. Of course, he certainly sees himself in the role. The Velez Rubio answer to Antonio Banderas – with a lot less hair and a lot more brandy in him.
   
You know him much better than I do, so you will not have been as astounded as I was at the news concerning Miguel.   If you had told me that my aunt Caroline  was running a brothel from her  house in Buenos Aires , or that my sister held up a local bank and has gone to live off the proceeds in Copacabana, my mouth would not have dropped open, other than to say: "Really?"   But...Miguel!  Who would have thought it?  As it was, I was in the Cabra Loca Bar when I first  heard and my mouth gaped open, as wide as the Channel Tunnel, for a full 10 minutes.  I was having my breakfast brandy and reading the El Mundo for ideas as to what to do next  (win Wimbledon or become a contract killer seemed the best bets).  I was just ordering a second brandy,  which comes in a half-litre glass -  when the local Chief Priest came in.  Usually, when he sees me, he drops to his knees, holds a cross up high and screams "Be gone foul spot!" ( His sister has a dry cleaners in Puerto Lumbreras).  As it was, he sat at my table and ordered a large rum.  "Have you heard, about Miguel?", he asked, in a shaky voice.

In retrospect, I realise there had been some clues.  I hadn´t, for example, seen Paco El Panadero around for a while. He always spent  his waking hours, about 5 a day, in the Crummy Dump Bar. (That´s the one where I was discussing with Luis  whether white paint dries faster than blue when you first accosted us, during your visit to Velez Rubio).  But still, I never would have guessed that Miguel might be involved in such a thing and even you must have been a bit shaken. 

News travels so fast now. I got a call from Sydney  (Australia - not Carton).  It was Gumbel. "What´s this about this guy Miguel?", he asked.  How does news get to Australia faster than the speed of light?  I think it may have something to do with spinach, confirming the Joyce Vegetable Paradox.  Anyway, Gumbel´s coming on a visit, which is not good news for Velez Rubio, but he wants to offer Miguel a job with the Gumbel Corporation.

Because of your close relationship with Miguel, you are obviously a prime suspect as an accomplice.  I was hauled into police HQ., the mock-baroque building with the screams coming from the cellars below and the stream of blood down the front steps, to be questioned about you. "Never heard of her!" I told them. Then, a little later: I don´t know her".   As I was leaving, four hours later, I said:  "Anyway, she´s in Brazil. In Manaos, running an engineering business she bought."  I think I made a mistake somewhere, as I noticed a puzzled look in their eyes.

Please tell me immediately about any further news you get on the Miguel matter.  I hope things are going well with you and Manaos is not too hot.

Luv,
Roberto

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